Your Roommate, Translated

Hey, I’m having a party tonight. Wanna come?

Hey, I’m having a lame party tonight. Wanna come?

Hey, do you mind if you spend the night at your gee eff’s place tonight? I’m having this chick over for dinner and maybe a little bit of sex for dessert. Nice! high fives

Hey, I need you to leave so I can masturbate into your socks. Nice! high fives

So I met this chick last night …

So I threw up on this chick last night …

I’m going to the library to study. I’ll be back late tonight.

I’m going to the library cause I can’t stand being in the same room as you cause you smell like earwax.

Did you know that Steve watches “Grey’s Anatomy”? How gay is that?

Did you know that Steve watches “Grey’s Anatomy”? Wanna watch it with us?

Can I use your computer? I had to get mine fixed and I need to check my email.

Can I use your computer? I had to get mine fixed because you were out of socks.