Two Roommates Discuss an STD

(A college student, Kevin, is sitting in his dorm room looking up Gonorrhea on the internet, when his roommate Mick walks in without him hearing)

Mick: (entering room) Hey dude, I got pizza bagels — … whoa, what the hell are you looking at?!

Kevin: Oh man, didn’t hear you come in. Ever hear of knocking, you dick?

Mick: (approaching Kevin’s computer) This is my room too, man. I have a key. Seriously, what was that I saw on your screen? It looked nasty.

Kevin: (trying to close the webpage, but not able to) Oh you know, just school shit, research, you know how it is. So we goin’ drinking tonight?

Mick: K hang on, I swear I saw some guy’s ass on your screen, what is this? (Forcing Kevin off the computer) …Gonorrhea? Dude, you’re in Marketing, what class would you have to research this for?!

Kevin: Um… Finances?

Mick: (blank stare)

Kevin: Okay, alright… so it’s not for school.

Mick: So what then, you have Gonorrhea? What the fuck, man?!

Kevin: I’m not 100% sure. From the info on that site, it says that symptoms are fever, vomiting, inflammation of the member, urinating pus discharge and- I mean I haven’t felt sick or thrown up yet- so that has to mean something, right?

Mick: Yeah, it means you’re an idiot. You have Gonorrhea. (takes a step back) Who did you even get it from?

Kevin: You know that cute red head, Kelly from down the hall? Yeah, totally mounted that beast. (Motions for fist pounding) Bones. Pound it.

Mick: Don’t touch me. This isn’t good, man; you should go see a doctor or something. What if your dick falls off?

Kevin: I was hoping it will be like a cold, and it would just go away after a week or so.. . I dunno, I didn’t get a chance to finish reading Wikipedia (raises voice) since you rudely walked in on me!

Mick: Like I already said, this is my room too, numbnuts. Hehe, I guess that goes literally now.

Kevin: Not funny.

Mick: This explains a lot. So this is why I heard you crying in the bathroom this morning.

Kevin: Yeah, so what? My Johnson looks like Don Rickles smiling. I think I have a legit reason to shed a few tears.

Mick: Ugh dude, gross.

Kevin: Let’s just keep this on the down low for now, okay? Don’t tell anyone.

Mick: Fine. I’ll try not to. This is pretty much gold though.

Kevin: And do you think you could do me a quick favor? Kinda weird…

Mick: Uh…What?

Kevin: Um, you know why it’s called the clap, right?

Mick: Yeah…and?

Kevin: Do you think you could –

Mick: No, absolutely not . Clap it yourself.

(There’s an awkward silence for a brief moment, while Kevin looks at the floor embarrassed, Mick, disgusted)

Kevin: So we goin’ drinking tonight, or not?