How It Happened: 'The Bank Job'

Executive producer #1: Executive Producer #2, how was your weekend?
Executive producer #2: Pretty good, old chum. I finally saw that new Denzel movie.
Executive producer #1: The one where he teaches all of the little black fellas how to debate?
Executive producer #2: No, the new one. It’s called “Inside Man.”

Executive producer #1: That came out like a year ago.
Executive producer #2: Really?
Executive producer #1: No, actually it was like two years ago. Anyway, I finally saw “The Italian Job.” How did Wahlberg not get that Oscar?
Executive producer #2: Jason Statham was awesome.
Executive producer #1: Sure was. I want to cast someone like him in my next “victimless crime” meets “bank heist” project.
Executive producer #2: Me too! I’d like to make something vaguely similar to “Inside Man,” only less realistic while adding in some unintelligible accents.
Executive producer #1: Great idea. So all we need is a central character with an irritating accent, chiseled bod, and mediocre acting skills.
Executive producer #2: Hmm, what about Jason Sta-
[A man comes crashing through the window and lands in the middle of the room, sending shattered pieces of the large oak meeting table into a nearby secretary’s face]
Jason Statham: Pay me in cocaine and you got yourself a deal, mates!!
Executive producer #2: How did you even know we were considering you?
Executive producer #1: And you killed Julia on her fourth week working for us!
Jason Statham: Don’t worry, Julia was rather pedestrian in the sack anyway.
[Jason Statham winks at both producers, implying she was unpleasant during sexual intercourse.]
Jason Statham: So, we have a deal then or what? This is starting to become bollocks.
Executive producer #1: Only if we can intertwine some story consisting of backstabbing that really doesn’t have to do with our plot.
Jason Statham: Deal.
Executive producer #2: Here’s an eight ball. We’ll start shooting next month.