106% Issue #3

It’s like five 105%‘s formed together to make a megazord… only funnier

TV shows that would be worth watching:
Monkey with a loaded gun
Dirty sex acts starring Mike Rowe
Survivor: Donner Party
-Oxnard Montalvo
Commonly Misinterpreted Pick-Up Lines
-“I’d kill for the opportunity to rape you.” pause “Just kidding, want to go out?”
-“Since we’re here, want to join the mile-high club? It’ll be bomb.”
-“It’s not very often one comes across a face like yours.”
-Happy Happy Happy Man
A Man Who Doesn’t Understand “Too Soon” Jokes:
Man: It looks like M. Night Shyamalan died. Guess he didn’t see that plot twist coming, did he!?…What, too soon?
-Andrew Saavedra
I saw people downtown collecting money and they were wearing shirts that said “Help kids with cancer.” I thought, how the hell is cancer going to help kids? But I decided to be nice and gave them a pack of cigarettes.
-Matt Gorman
Self-Pwn by Assumption
GF: “So, I’ve been thinking – threesome for your birthday?”
BF: “Sick! Why would I wanna finger-cuff you with some other naked, sweaty, ripped dude?”
GF: “… I meant me and another girl.”
-Chase Mitchell
Sentences I’ll Never Be Able To Say About Tigers, And One I’ll Never Be Able To Say About Jews
-That tiger stole my half-black, half-Chinese baby!
-That tiger is smoking a crackpipe!
-That tiger is promoting a healthy cereal!
-That Jew is a tiger!
-Adam Hrabik
The First Single Off The Dude’s Much-Anticipated Jazz Standards Album
“Take the F*ckin’ A Train”
-Katie Marino
Pearl Of Wisdom
Some people say it’s love that makes the Earth go round, but in actuality it’s the Earth’s gravitational pull from the Sun
-Josh Carter
Game cheat or finding the G spot
up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-A-B-A-B-start
Quailman
4 possible ways to misuse ironic:
-Rain on my wedding day, how ironic…
-I totally missed that math problem, how ironic…
-This man died from a severe vitamin and mineral deficiency, how ironic…
-I bombed my interview because my shirt was wrinked… how ironic?
-Kevin Slane
You know it’s spring break when the question “do you have sand in your vagina?” turns from an insulting non-sequitur to a legitimate health concern.
-John Baker
I recently discovered that I went to a minor league baseball game one day before those in attendance set a world record. I was so close to being a part of history. Now I know how the people who visited the World Trade Center on September 10th feel.
-Matt Enstrom

Send your 106% submissions to 106percent@gmail.com

If you liked this, check out Issue #1 and Issue #2