Proverbs That Suck

“A watched pot doesn’t boil.“

I want to clarify that all proverbs are a waste of time. I’m just focusing on the proverb that is extreme, and in this case, a complete lie. When you first hear this proverb you assume you have the ability to control whether a pot boils or not, which would be sweet. To make matters worse, this proverb makes the pot sound like a self-conscious b*tch.

Motney: Come on pot I’m starving. Please boil my macaroni.

Pot: Nooo. Don’t look at me!!

Motney: What? Just boil! I’m hungry.

Pot: No. Turn the lights out or something, I look gross.

Motney: Omg! It’s just water and some pasta. You look fine.

Pot: I’m dead serious turn around.

Motney: Holy crap. Fine!!

(Pot boils)

Don’t ever use proverbs.They’re conversation stoppers and sometimes complete lies. I know you’re trying to weave them into sentences to make yourself sound well read, but please stick to what you know: movie quotes and comic book trivia. Proverbs get you nowhere and make you sound like a fool.

Mr. T: I pity the fool (who uses proverbs).