Headlines you might read in the Sunday paper of a perfect world:
- Canseco: I helped provide producer with 'baby batter' for Zoey 101 star
- Women unanimously agree: size doesn't matter
- Frat guy learns second song on acoustic guitar
- Study: Late night fast food binges help prevent cancer
- DNA evidence helps resolve who stole the cookie form the cookie jar
- Fox issues public apology for 'sh*tty Japanimation' Ninja Turtles revival
- Write-in ballots help elect Bart Simpson President
- Nestle introduces lobster filled Hot Pockets
- Pitt and Jolie adopt African child, later learn it is Gary Coleman
- Survey reveals 90% of girls pillow fight in underwear; other 10% are fat
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