How It's Made: Sorority Girl

Conception: The whole process begins at conception. The best way to guarantee a sorority girl product is to combine a current sorority girl and fraternity bro. Combining these two makes for an easy conception stage sans consent, which can seriously hinder the process. The steps in this process are quite simple and, if done correctly, are very effective.

First, the sorority girl (ho) and fraternity guy (bro) attend a party hosted by the bro’s fraternity. Next, the two drink mass amounts of beer and/or liquor. (This step is very important because it eliminates that nasty consent barrier.) Lastly, the bro and ho stumble into a room and proceed to have sloppy intercourse. (This is the shortest step)

Early childhood: The next step in the sorority girl process is, arguably, the most important. The now aging sorority mother will instill all her sorority knowledge into the product and prepare it for any sorority obstacles that may arise. It is important that the product is showered with gifts and lots of attention.

Appropriate Gifts:

Barbie dolls (Not the newer politically correct model. They represent realistic views.)

Make-up (Must be given to product on or before 6th birthday. Practice makes perfect!)

Inappropriate Gifts:

Books

Board games (Exceptions include Girl Talk and Girl Talk: Date Line)

If the appropriate gifts are given and too much attention is administered, the product is on the right path to becoming the snobbiest most spoiled sorority girl!!!

Adolescence: The third step in this long process is very crucial because if the product isn’t injected with enough mainstream propaganda it will turn into a creative free-thinking individual. Yuck! It is also imperative that the product is constantly dressed in the latest trends and viewing MTV for at least 5 hours per day. The product may become interested in reading material at this stage. Possible appropriate reading materials include People, Teen Beat, and Seventeen. (Upper level reading materials include Cosmopolitan and Vanity Fair.) It is at this stage that the sorority mother teaches the product all the secrets to becoming a woman. How to get special treatment because of looks and how to use sex as a weapon are just a few. It is possible that the product may want to make some money in order to pay for make-up and a fake ID.

Appropriate Jobs: Hollister & Abercrombie & Fitch

Inappropriate Jobs: Ones that require actual work

When all these steps are followed the final product is ready to branch out at college. The product is ready to spend hours watching The Hills and gossip constantly about their other sorority sisters. As soon as the product finds a bro to hook up with, the magical process starts once again.