Over the course of history, women have contributed to some of our greatest inventions. Here’s how a few of them might have turned out had men come up with them.
Roomba
Inventor: Helen Greiner
Characteristics: Vacuums room at scheduled time, collects dirt and dust, returns to “home base” when finished with duties, does not make you put down the toilet seat.
Changes Made: Completely silent, cooks dinner, washes dishes. Possible renaming: Perfect Woman.
Mounted Globe
Inventor: Ellen Fitz
Characteristics: Three-dimensional world map mounted on two rings allows for rotation and shows the tilting of Earth on its axis.
Changes Made: We’re not lost. I don’t need to look at that! Here, I remember passing these mountain things before. I know exactly where we are.
Engine Muffler
Inventor: El Dorado Jones
Characteristics: Attached to vehicle’s exhaust system to reduce exhaust noise.
Changes Made: Amplifies exhaust noise tenfold. Alerts others of your presence and signifies your superiority. Optional: Light attachment projects Bat Symbol beneath car.
Handjob
Inventor: (approximately) Mary Magdalene
Characteristics: Apparent rope burns, tired arms, artificial pleasure noises, overplayed jokes about how I can do it better myself.
Changes Made: Female hands made out of mouths.
Barbie
Inventor: Ruth Handler
Characteristics: Long blonde hair, large breasts, thin midsection and long legs.
Changes Made: None. Good work, Ruth.
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