Here's twelve famous big-name logos and symbols you may recognize that fucked my young mind as a child in the nineties. Got any of your own? Tell me about them, I'll act interested.
First off, I'd like to open with the big kahuna of all fucked up logos:
Who knew that was a D? It looked like a backwards G. Or a backwards fucking treble clef. The dot in the "i" always looked like a pair of bug eyes to me. And that "y"? That's a "y"!?? I have no fucking clue. So I guess it says "Walt Gisne?".
That there, that's the head of an eagle, folks. See it? No? Took me a while too. It's like a fucking stereogram
you can stare at it all day, but you'll never see the sailboat.
But what does it really look like? A weird boomerang? A retarded stapler? Just a random, confusing yet cool-looking shape? Who designs this shit?
How many fucking N's does one word need? I used to call it "Eh-teh-men's," short and to the point. I refused to believe that one word could have that many N's in it. First time I saw it, I thought it said "Entertainment." I read "Ente-" and then my mind saw a few N's and an M and immediately put it together as "Entertainment." Made sense to me that a place called Entertainment sold donuts.
In elementary school, when everyone tried to act like they knew about sports, a lot of us saw this symbol and assumed it was a hockey puck with wings. No, it's actually an uppercase "P" (for Philadelphia) with wings. And how many times did we draw this backwards? It looks stupid backwards, now that we know it's a "P". Hell, I still draw it backwards, out of habit, because it's just easier to draw the wings on the right side.
No, on second thought, fuck the "C" (which, by the way, just looks like a smiley face with a crab claw sticking out), that whole fucking name got me. I kid you not, it was no more than two years ago that I found out that place is called "Chick-fil-LAY," and not "Chick-fill-UH." I saw an "A" at the end, I thought it was pronounced "uh." Whatever. If I want chicken, I'll just go somewhere with a less confusing name
What is that? Is that like a circular version of the Homeland Security Advisory System? I always thought it was just a colorful circle, showing us that you can go from yellow to red in just four easy steps. I think I'll stick with Holiday Inn.
At first, I thought it was half a colorful flower, because those colored things are either flower petals or tear drops. Then I started to notice things. Like, what's with the white tear drop in the center? And what happened to the purple flower petal, did a caterpillar bite it or something? Oh no, that's a beak. And the white space in the center must be the body, I guess. I get it.
Oh yeah, it's a peacock by the way. I think I forgot to mention that.
To me, it always looked like a stick figure falling down. See how his stick figure arms are sorta flailing? Or maybe it's a zoom-in on the lines of a basketball. A red basketball, with
white lines. Believe it or not, it's a fucking planet with a ring around it. Yeah, JUST LIKE THE PLANET SATURN! Makes me feel like a dumbass for not seeing that before.
One day, my mom brought home a brand new refrigerator. On the handle of the fridge was an odd-looking logo depicting an extremely cursive, royal-looking uppercase "H" surrounded by a circle of ocean waves.
It was the General Electric symbol, which made me wonder what the fuck that giant "H" stood for. Apparently, that's no "H"; it's a lowercase cursive "g" attached to a lowercase cursive "e". So what's all that squiggly shit under the "e"? Maybe it's an uppercase cursive "E"? One thing's for sure, I'm too busy focusing on the letters to wonder why the hell the whole thing's surrounded by white ocean waves.
I saw this as a few things. First, I saw the skull of a bull for some reason. See, there's a head and horns sticking out, with an oval around it all. Then, I saw a stick figure's head wearing a cowboy hat
with an oval around it all. Maybe it's the stick figure from Saturn. WRONG! Apparently, it's just a dumb symbol that represents "trust" or some shit. A bull skull would have been cooler.
(We're almost done.)
Sunkist? No, that definitely says "Sinkist" with an "i". And the letters all attach to each other, almost like they tried to go cursive, but failed. Kinda makes you not even notice the weird looking orange sun/squiggly circle with tear drops in the back there. And I won't even bother questioning the random leaf. I'm too fixed on
Sinkist. Still don't see it? Look again. "Sinkist." I don't even wanna begin to imagine what that means.
For those of you who have never been to Philadelphia or South Jersey, Wawa is a convenience store that's more than just that. For many, it's a sacred haven. Wawa makes 7-11 look like your local piece of shit corner store.
That being said, what the hell is up with the logo? Is it a bird? Maybe. Okay, so what's that in the background? Is that the same Homeland Security Advisory System from Comfort Inn? Maybe. Or maybe it's another sun. For some reason, corporations like to think the sun is colored in 3-4 horizontal layers of yellow, orange, and red hues. Okay, so we know that's the sun but let's go back to the bird. What is that, a fucking goose or something? Why does it look like it got punched in the throat? And what the hell is a "Wawa" anyway? I hear that's the name of that bird, a Wawa bird. I don't know. But hey, here's something fun: Wawa upside down is "Mama." That might be a reference to Wawa being the mother of all convenience stores.
"Wawa" "Wawa." Sounds like Helen Keller trying to introduce herself.