Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

Gossip time. 3, 2, 1…

Blast off. Hayden Panettiere is hotter than you, and that is okay. Someone has to carry the weight for all us uglies, right? [CelebSlam]

BritBrit might be the new spokesperson for Bally Gym, because she’s worked out there a couple of times and is low on tattoo cash. Getting a pair of lips on your wrist is expensive ya’ll! [CelebSlam]

Nick Lachey maybe cheated on Vanessa Minello with some mediocre looking college girls. He and his pal Matt Leinhart were captured funneling and playing beer pong with said co-eds, and Nick totally shacked up in a club bathroom with one of them. That’s cool for Matt, for Nick is 3-fucking-5 years old. Creepy zone! [CelebSlam]

Here are some naked pics of Orlando Bloom’s hot model girlfriend. [IDLYITW]

Pete Wentz has knocked Ashlee Simpson up (and is marrying her) and her dad is trying to shop around an interview with his talentless daughter for $1 million. Obviously no one’s biting, because she hasn’t been relevant since trucker hats were cool. But how cool will it be to see a baby wear eye liner? [IDLYITW]

Jessica Alba: New, massive baby boobs! Same boring, meepish face. [Egotastic]

Jenna Jameson was out and about promoting some new movie in which she plays a zombie stripper, which honestly sounds like a better gig than being a cracked out porn superstar. [Hollywood]

Mary-Kate Olsen has assumed the role of rich crazy lady a lot earlier than I thought she would. Is she hot with a giant caterpillar on her head? My instinct says yes. [WWTDD]

Here’s an important lesson: most women in Spain look nothing like Penelope Cruz. Especially these sad housewives who made a “sexy” calendar to raise money to build a school for their kids. [DListed]

Paris Hilton told a Vegas radio station that her ex-BFF Kim Kardashian’s ass looks like “ cottage cheese inside a large plastic bag.” She’s probably just jealous of how good Kim looks in lingerie. [DListed. Egotastic]

It’s one thing to forget to wear a bra, but to forget your dignity too? Shame on you, random Danity Kane flash in the pan! [WWTDD]

Cursing the new Yankee Stadium,
Kate