Oh, The Articles I Read

How many times have you come to a favorite website recently only to read the following types of user submitted articles?  They’re the best, aren’t they?

The LOLAnything Article:

This article involves all the thought of a Google image search and the ability to write captions like an autistic three year old with cerebral palsy.  “I iz dumbin’ u dwn!” If stock photos plus bad grammar give your funny bone a hard on, look no further than these atrocities.  LOLCats, LOLJesus, LOLSanta, etc.  The ultimate article version of this will be LOLFacebook.  It will go “National” and have 22 likes before it hits the front page, at which time it will get another 40 likes as people reminisce about an internet sensation from years ago.  Nostalgia!  These articles are less likely to make me LOL and more likely to DI (Die Inside).

The Facebook Article:

Hey!  We’re all on Facebook!  I know you never laugh at everyday life or when regularly using Facebook to update your status, get lost phone numbers or photo stalk, but what if you put these two not funny things together??  Everyday life Facebook = Comedy Gold!!!  If there were a comedy rainbow, this is the article guarded by a feisty leprechaun at the end of it, right??  Wrong.  Change my status to bored.  A news feed from Grandpa?  Finally.  These articles should be aborted from your brain like incestuous fetuses from the womb.  Just jam that Q-tip in your ear until you forget what Facebook is.  Thanks!  I cross my fingers for the day when I get to read “Facebook’s Facebook” or “MySpace’s Facebook”.  Someone, anyone, please write that article.  The people will adore you and you’ll probably get like 50 friend requests on Facebook, setting up your next masterpiece about Facebook.


The People I Meet in (Blank) Article:

You meet people???  Get the eff out!  Me too!  You judge them by what they’re wearing or how they’re acting??  I do too!!  It’s the funniest thing ever…that isn’t funny at all.  The guy at the (blank) sure does (blank) all the time.  Ha Ha kill me.  This article is the MadLibs of the unoriginal.  (I should know because this very article is one!!)  I don’t care about what stereotypes you found in a train, at a baseball game, on the sidewalk or in your dorm.  We’re all aware of these people.  That’s why they are stereotypes and that’s why your article is feces.  Eventually someone will make an article about “The People I Meet on Facebook”.  This article will get 1021 likes as everyone realizes they have the same experience.  “That article is just like my life which is super funny and awesome!  They should totally make a reality TV show about my friends and me!”

Check back tomorrow for the best article ever.  “The LOLFriends I Meet on Facebook“  Guaranteed laughs.  Guaranteed CH Classic.  Fist pump.