Staff Picks

Amir Blumenfeld

...Magical Prom Night

by Amir Blumenfeld on

Walter is seventeen years old, in a suit, and driving fast. The only thing sitting shotgun is a bouquet of roses he just picked up. His thoughts are energizing him…

Tonight is the night I prove everybody wrong. Little Walter Wivlak’s all grown up.

“Hey Walter,” they yelled, “What’s the matter homo, can’t get a date to the prom?“HA! Time to prove you wrong Mr. Parsons. Mr. World’s meanest math teacher ever!

I worked my ass off for this night… raising money the old fashioned way — playing World of Warcraft until I earned a Stealhawk Crossbow then selling that for $600 on a fantasy message board. Spent that money on a Russian lesbian mail-order prom-date/wife.

I even spent $140 of MY OWN MOM’S MONEY buying her a blue lace bikini/skirt get up so that she can attract maximum attention to her hot bod and ultimately me.

When she asked for another $280 to bring her sister over to the states, I thought she was just taking advantage of me. But after a few written guarantees that it was indeed her sister and not just her lesbian girlfriend, and a quick eBay sale (Good bye bed!) things were as right as rain again. Hell I’ll sleep on the floor for the rest of my life to have this girl all to myself for just one night.

Just one night…

Walter arrives, grabs the flowers and starts running.

Dang it, fifteen minutes late. I hope Tatiyana isn’t here yet. Jesus, I’m sweating already. Okay act cool, act cool. Jesus, it JUST hit me that I’m def getting laid tonight.

There she is.

Oh… my God.

http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1811969

See More Popular Articles
Like this Article
URL Close
Amir Blumenfeld

Amir Blumenfeld

View Profile
Recent Articles
More
uPick
Work Sucks Awful work stories See All »
Up +64 Down
Horrible Discovery

I work in Apparel at a department store, and I usually have to take care of the fitting rooms, like making sure clothes get hung up and put back and such. So, last week I get to work and began to check the ladies fitting rooms, and I get to the big one that's supposed to be reserved for handicap and women with small children, but some of the other employees will let whoever... Read More » in. When I open it, I see hangers everywhere, and 2 pairs of jeans stuffed underneath the bench. Assuming that someone had stolen jeans and left their old ones, I get down on my hands and knees and go to pick them up. Well, they were our jeans....and they were wet. Some lady who was trying on jeans peed in them and on the floor, and I got to discover it. I immediately dropped them and sprinted from the fitting rooms to the bathroom (that is on the other side of the store) to wash my hands. I washed them pretty much raw, but even so, I feel like they will never be clean.