"I should really be writing this paper..." by swish600

(Dan is sitting at his desk staring at a blank word document. It is 3am and he has a HUGE paper due that very morning. To rationalize his procrastination, Dan's schizophrenia gives personalities to the objects in the room!! And let me tell you, they think that homework is a BAD IDEA!)

Dan: Oh man. What am I going to do? I'm never going to become a successful I-banker if I don't ace this paper on the history of method acting! Maybe I should just drop out of school tonight. Ugh, well I should really be writing this paper, so I might as well get started…

Chips&Salsa: You sure you wanna do that ese?!

Dan: Who said that?

Chips&Salsa: The mouse under your desk.

Dan: (looking at the mouse) You can talk?!

Chips&Salsa: Nah, I'm just f*cking with you…it's Chips&Salsa homes! What up?

Dan: Oh hey Chips&Salsa, you scared me…I thought that mouse was talking, and THAT woulda been WEIRD! HAHA! So what's new?

Chips&Salsa: We're lonely…don't you think you should…EAT US?!?!?!

Dan: Well, it does sound more fun than this paper…

Youtube.com: HOLD UP YOU SHOULD SPEND YOUR TIME WITH ME BECAUSE I'M FUNNY!!!! SEE? HAHA CHRIS CROCKER IS AWESOME RIGHT?!!!! WATCH ME WATCH ME WATCH ME I NEED ATTENTION AND FRIENDS…

Dan: Wow Youtube.com, you sure are great.

Perezhilton.com: You sure about that Dan? Because I heard that Youtube.com is f*cking your girlfriend, and I am NOT lying. I like boys.

Dan: Oh geez! Not Jennifer! What should I do?

ebaumsworld.com: If you kill her, I'll tape it…

Dan: But I love her – just yesterday she gave me a card in the shape of a catcher's mitt that said "I Glove You"…THAT'S SO CUTE…she's so clever…she should really do improv…

ebaumsworld.com: I'm telling you man – stick a pen through her eye and you'll get a digg or two…

Youtube.com: YOU ARE SICK YOU ARE SICK YOU ARE SICK SICK SICK!!!

Youporn.com:You think that's sick? You gotta check out this hungarian chick…oh my GOD! Hey Dan, you didn't watch all of today's new vids…first time in months…you feeling okay?

Dan: Oh, yea…I'm fine, I've just been really busy all day with this paper…oh no, I really have to write this paper!

Party: F*ck that sh*t! You need to come out here and Van Helsing these sl*ts…WE'RE GETTIN DRUNKKKK!!

Dan: Party, how are you talking? You're not an object – more of a concept or event…

Party: I know…that's what makes me even more intriguing…COME ON – GET WASTED!!!

Youtube.com: POWERTHIRST!

Youporn.com: Oh yea…yea…YEA F MY P!!!

Dan: Okay, well…I guess I'll just go to the party then!

ebaumsworld.com: Remember…if you're gonna date rape anyone, turn the camera on first…

Mouse under desk: Go get'm kid…

Chips&Salsa: Wow, he CAN talk!!!

Perezhilton.com: OMG I HATE MICE! EEEK!

Everyone: Haha good times!