The Morning After Lost: What Are You Talking About? The Doctor is Fine.

To Do List:

Learn Portuguese.
Break up with that wannabe hipster chick.
Study more.
Back up your computer.
Start training for a marathon.
Join a foos ball league.
Get your shit together, in general.

You were given five weeks off from life to accomplish some goals. The countdown began on March 20th, when the last new episode of Lost aired. At the time, April 24th seemed so far away. Surely, you’d have enough time to finish that paper on how Billy Shakespeare was really Chris Marlowe…and you’d have enough time to get to know that yummy junior in your Ab Psych class with the Tina Fey glasses and the Jessica Alba body. Come 4.24, you’ll have her cuddled on your couch in your arms just in time to tune back in to our favorite show, LOST.

But, man, does time fly! You’re still pulling Cs, your room’s a mess, and you can’t seem to ditch the frumpy little freshmen you picked up last year. And yet, Spring has sprung, the weather is fantastic, and it’s time for our beloved islanders to come back into our living rooms. Oh well….we’ll postpone that to do list until summer, I guess, because it’s time for LOST!

Here’s what went down this week, in a piano bench secret compartment:

Widmore’s mean dudes take Alex hostage and force her to turn off the security fence. Ben finds out, and he, Locke, et al bunker down while an onslaught occurs. Alex is killed. Ben unleashes the monster on the bad guys and leads everyone else away. Sawyer wants to bail and go to the beach. Miles, Claire, and Hurley are on board, but Locke pulls a gun and insists that Hurley stay with them to find Jacob. On the beach, Jack is sick. Kate looks great. A dead doctor from the boat washes up onshore. Daniel contacts the boat, who says that the doctor is fine. A flash forward shows us that Sayid links up with Ben because he wants revenge for the murder of his wife.

Here’s what we learn:
1. Now it seems that extras have a life span of 0.03 seconds. Three were murdered when Widmore’s men came to the little village. I don’t think we ever knew their names. They should definitely have been used at least a little more, because at first, I was thinking “Who the hell is that?”
2. Ben is pure evil. He killed his dad, and he let Widmore’s man kill his “daughter” right in front of him.
3. Claire is invincible. She was in a house that BLEW UP and she’s fine. Really??? They should clone her and send her to Iraq.
4. PinkBerry doesn’t give you enough toppings to last through the whole serving of yogurt. (Unrelated piece of info I learned today).
5. Maybe Sayid’s wife was killed because she knew the secret of the Oceanic 6. Or maybe Ben fabricated or manipulated the connection in order to get Sayid to be his hit man.
6. If you love someone, don’t let them go for 8 years. They may get murdered in LA.
7. Bernard knows Morse code. Who knew?
8. Ben pledges to MURDER PENNY.
9. Ben controls the black some monster.
10. When in doubt, put the baby in the laundry basket.