Desperate HouseBr?s

(Below is a pilot for a spinoff of ABC Family’s wildly popular GR??K. In a smoke-filled board meeting, a meek intern raised his hand and asked “What about the loser fraternity guys in the house? I think people want to know more about their stories since all we ever hear about is Kappie, Frasier’s hot daughter, and that gay dude.” He was since promoted to producer and the rest, as they say, is history. It will feature the Snozzberries guy, the bassist from the Plain White T’s, and several other anonymous nobodies that you come to expect from ABC Family….)







Volcano Joe: Man, my voice is pretty stonerific wouldn’t you say fellas?

Unibrow Kid: Didn’t you graduate like 3 years ago?

Volcano Joe: Well I wouldn’t exactly say that I graduated…. It was more of an “I spent all my student loan money on mushrooms” type of transition. It really freed up my time for inventing.

Unibrow Kid: (sigh) I wish I got invited to that mixer with the Zeta Betas… or even the career fair at the student center.

Volcano Joe: Don’t worry my young Padawan, keep at it and someday you will be as cool as me. That’s what Kappa Tau is all about.

(Unibrow Kid looks visibly concerned.)

Multiple Popped-Collar Guy: Hey Broskies!! Anybody down for some beer pong?

Unibrow Kid: Dude, can you call some girls over please?

Multiple Popped-Collar Guy: TITE! We gonna get some, baby!

Volcano Joe: Back when I hung out here, we used to throw the most epic parties…

Unibrow Kid: But you still hang out here, Joe.

Volcano Joe: …and we would live like kings! Chad, call your women!

(Multiple Popped-Collar Guy whips out his sidekick and begins furiously typing away. Meanwhile, Unibrow Kid logs on to his facebook.)

Unibrow Kid: Oh man, those Tri Pi’s are gorgeous. I wish they could see what a nice guy I am and then maybe one would want to date me. Maybe if I try a nice message….

(Hey there Samantha, you probably don’t remember me but we had a chem lab together freshman year and you let me friend you so you could copy my notes when you didn’t want to go to class… anyway I was wondering if you wanted to hang out at the Kappa Tau house tonight. Wecould play some Wii or maybe watch an episode of Firefly…. Man your profile pic is gorgeous; you are like total marriage material.

Hope to hear from ya babe! My AIM is Deceptic0nhaxxorz if you want to chat sometime.)

Unibrow Kid: That should convince her to talk to me again, I mean she probably just got busy with school for the last 18 months, right?

Volcano Joe: Hey man, have you ever seen Speed on speed? Keanu is like, my idol.

Unibrow Kid: Are you even paying attention to me?

Multiple Popped-Collar Guy: Ok brahs, I couldn’t chat any lady friends into comin’ over tonight but I totes made us a rez-o at the Beaver Dam for 9:30… anybody thinking bottle service???

Unibrow Kid: I can’t, I need to stay here and refresh my profile page until Samantha writes back.

Volcano Joe: Man, I wish the rest of the dudes would come home, Kappie has my lighter.

Multiple Popped-Collar Guy: Alright, party of one… see you playas later!!!