106% Issue #5

My greatest fears
I think I have an irrational fear of irrational fears, what do they call them… oh yeah, phobiaahhhhhhh!
-Matt Gorman
I went to a hair place to get my hair dyed, but the lady there refused to serve me because it was black… colorist!
-Matt Gorman
I have a theory that everyone has a cap on the amount of sugar they caneat in a lifetime, when you get close to that limit, it’s calleddiabetes.
-Josh Carter
Sage advice:
The more somebody needs to use your bathroom, the less you should let them.
-Matt Gorman
A weird conversation takes a turn for the weirder:
“So have you ever had sex with a corpse?”
“A human corpse, no…”
-Matt Gorman
Things overheard at an Applebee’s restaurant:
“Why the fuck did we come here?”
-Chase Mitchell
Tongue twisters made slightly harder and less appropriate:
-How many woodchucks could a wood chipper chip if a wood chipper could chip woodchucks?
-Peter Piper poked his prick in Patty Pepper’s pooper. Did Patty Pepper poop on Peter Piper’s poking pecker?
-Unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, c*nt.
-Matt Gorman
Jay Leno’s Vanity Plates
2NTESHW
TP10SUX
IH8DAVE
CHINFTW
-Matt Enstrom
My word processor’s spell check is so inadequite that it makes me want to kill myself… GOODBYE CRUEL WORD!
-Matt Gorman
I’m very particular about my grammar. Some people might call me an anal linguist.
-Matt Gorman