Now with 500% more Matt Gorman
My greatest fears
I think I have an irrational fear of irrational fears, what do they call them oh yeah, phobiaahhhhhhh!
I went to a hair place to get my hair dyed, but the lady there refused to serve me because it was black colorist!
I have a theory that everyone has a cap on the amount of sugar they caneat in a lifetime, when you get close to that limit, it's calleddiabetes.
The more somebody needs to use your bathroom, the less you should let them.
A weird conversation takes a turn for the weirder:
"So have you ever had sex with a corpse?"
"A human corpse, no "
Things overheard at an Applebee's restaurant:
"Why the fuck did we come here?"
Tongue twisters made slightly harder and less appropriate:
-How many woodchucks could a wood chipper chip if a wood chipper could chip woodchucks?
-Peter Piper poked his prick in Patty Pepper's pooper. Did Patty Pepper poop on Peter Piper's poking pecker?
-Unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, c*nt.
Jay Leno's Vanity Plates
My word processor's spell check is so inadequite that it makes me want to kill myself GOODBYE CRUEL WORD!
I'm very particular about my grammar. Some people might call me an anal linguist.