Vodka: allowing girls to act drunker than they actually are.

Everclear: waking up far from home with no shoes has never been so easy.

Beer: you wish you were this cool when you were sober.

Gin: from zero to carefree in 5.8 shots.

Tequila: relieving guys the hassle of trying to gets a girl's clothes off.

Whiskey: from the creators of impotence comes…whiskey dick!

Wine: finally giving us a use for the word "piquant."