Staff Picks

David Siegel

Your Commencement Speech, Translated

by David Siegel on

Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning!

I’m amazed to see such a vibrant graduating class.
Months ago, I began thinking about what to say to you all this morning.
I’m glad to accept this honorary degree.
I was thrilled when your school first contacted me.
I understand many of you may not recognize me.
30 years ago I was wearing a mortarboard just like you.
You will all go on to do great things.
Now surely, some of you made mistakes over the last four years.
Weeks, months and years from today, your alma mater will not forget you.
You now begin the most exciting and wonderful part of your life.
See More
Like this Article
URL Close
David Siegel

David Siegel

View Profile
Recent Articles
More
uPick
Roommate Confessions Roommate pranks See All »
Up +117 Down
Orange Squares

Two years ago I get assigned a roommate from Bangladesh. Its his first time ever out of his country. His first words to me were Hello how tastes it. Interesting start right. Two days later i walk in to see cheese slices all over the walls. The cheese slices have writing on them. I confront him about it and he tells me he thought they were post it notes. Apparently they do... Read More » not have dairy in back home because he had never seen cheese before. Days after that he blows up the microwave by putting a pot of eggs in it. It is at this point that I give up on the guy. After a few weeks I notice his part of the dorm smells like ass so I confront him about it. He then goes on to explain that he has been waiting for the servants to come by for his laundry. Of all the people why did I get this guy? In the three months I lived with him he washed once and never quite understood that we did not have servants and that Americans utilize cows.