Offbeat Proverbs

Love comes and goes but friends are forever…unless they die in a freak rock climbing accident.

A stitch in time saves nine…but only queers sew.

Marriages are made in heaven…and then carried out in Vegas after both parties are incredibly drunk…oh, and in love…kind of.

Never judge from appearances…unless they’re [insert minority]. Lock the door, LOCK THE DOOR!

Practice what you preach…you damn Christians.

Rain, rain, go away, come again another day…preferably when my girlfriend wants to do something outside.

Revenge is sweet…you’ll get your chance Jews.

The first step is the hardest…that’s why I use this wheelchair.

Beauty is only skin-deep…unless she has “tig ole bitties.”

Business before pleasure…right after 6 hours of GTA 4.

Curiosity killed the cat…but it has no effect on monkeys.

Every picture tells a story…unless it’s a Librarianist cartoon.

Laughter is the best medicine…unless you have Chlamydia. Then it’s amoxicillin or oflaxacin.