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Dan Amerman

Robert Downey Jr. Lends a Helping Hand

by Dan Amerman on

(Davie, a scrawny 15-year-old, knocks on the door of Robert Downey Jr.‘s Beverly Hills mansion.)

RD: Oh hi Davie. How are you today?

D: Oh I’m pretty good Robert Downey Jr. (His stomach grumbles) Just hungry, that’s all…

RD: Wow Davie, that was a big grumble! You must be starving! I know you’re very, very poor and homeless so if you want me to buy you a toy or something to take your mind off the hunger pains you know you can count on me…

D: You’re very generous, sir, but I actually wanted to ask you about something else. Can you buy me alcohol?

RD: Believe me, I’d LOVE to, but if anyone sees me buying alcohol then I’ll get sent back to rehab or maybe even jail!

D: PLEASE!!?!?!

RD: Aw, how can I say no to that dirty little face? But how can I buy you booze without getting caught?

(Davie whispers in Robert Downey Jr.‘s ear)

RD: Oh, I see…well, give me 10 minutes and I’ll try to throw something together.





RD: Now I’ll just add a few minor additions…



RD: Isn’t this disguise SWEET! Now they’ll never know who I am!

D: That sure is…ummm…elaborate. When I mentioned a disguise I was expecting more like a hat and glasses or something…

RD: You think I over did it?

D: Just a bit. Plus, with your new movie coming out, don’t you think they’ll recognize you?

RD: SO TRUE! Hmmm…let’s see…oooo! Ta daa!!



LATER THAT DAY…
(Robert Downey Jr. enters a liquor store to buy some PBR for Davie.)

RD:(uncomfortably and too loudly) Umm…hello, I am here to buy some alcohol!! Please point me in the proper direction my good fellow!!

Cashier: It’s about 4 feet to your left.

RD: (to himself) That’s just in range for my magnet ray…(pressing a button on his wrist) Don’t mind if I do…



(The smoke dramatically clears as his theme music beings to play…)


RD: (slyly) Still cold…

Davie: Wow! Thanks Robert Downey Jr.!! You’re a true hero! Can I have the beer now?

Davie: Uh…What are you doing?!




Davie: Uh oh…



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