Decoding the messages on Dove chocolate wrappers when you have a bit of a drinking problem.

Many concerned folks have decided that they will not furtherencourage my drinking. In these desperate times, I turn to the friends I know Ican count on. Each of these little chocolates contains a special little messagethat I interpret in my own special little way. (They are also quite tasty.)

“Do what feels right.”

Drink.

“Be mischievous. It feels good.”

Finals? Drink.

“Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to.”

No, they’ve pretty much figured it out by now.

“Follow your instincts.”

They tell me to… drink.

“Learn something from everyone you meet.”

I doubt I’ll remember it the next day.

“Make your eyes twinkle.”

Well, there’s a straight shooter! (Puns are the best.) Drink.

“Keep the promises you make to yourself.”

I don’t like this one. Fuck AA.

“Temptation is fun… giving in is even better.”

Now that’s more like it. Drink.

¼/p>

“Test your own limits and keep going.”

Drink more.

“Wink at someone driving past today.”

Yo… not the cops again, though.

“You’re allowed to do nothing.”

Time to pass out.