Wendell Blatt Goes Swimming

Female Lifeguard: That’s Wendall Blatt you gay idiot. How can you even tell he’s fat, he’s wearing a big t-shirt.

Male Lifeguard: Trust me, he’s fat as sh*t. Why else would he try to hide his body under a t-shirt?

Female Lifeguard: Duh, it’s more comfortable. I wish I could swim in a t-shirt, but my boobs are too big.

Male Lifeguard: Doesn’t my nose look retarded with this sunblock and aren’t my glasses too big for my pea sized head?

Female Lifeguard: Yes.

Male Lifeguard: I’m a gay ass loser and now I’m going to blow my whistle at Wendell and tell him to stop hanging on the lane line.

Female Lifeguard: He’s not hanging on the lane line, he’s resting for one second, relax. You don’t know how hard it is to swim in a soaking wet oversized t-shirt.

Male Lifeguard: Oh my God the water is changing colors near him. I think he’s peeing. Look he’s looking around to see if anyone is noticing.

Female lifeguard: So what? The pool is freezing. I pee in the pool all the time. God my nipples are hard.

Male Lifeguard: Isn’t that Wendell’s mom by the pool flirting with those high school kids?

Female Lifeguard: Yeah right. She’s just talking to them.

Male Lifeguard: I heard sometimes they come over to her house.

Female Lifeguard: Shut up, okay? Wendell’s dad is probably moving back in anyway.

Male Lifeguard: Sorry. I should have known. I’m such a huge loser.

Female Lifeguard: I know (Begins taking off her bathing suit.)

Male Lifeguard: What are you doing?

Female Lifeguard: What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting naked and I’m gonna go under water and blow Wendell.

Male Lifeguard: What if someone sees you?

Female Lifeguard: I hope everyone sees me. Then maybe they’ll realize how awesome Wendell is. Oh and one more thing: Sugar Ray is still cool.

Male Lifeguard: I know.

REALITIY

Male Lifeguard: Hey, Cindy, can you come here?

Female Lifeguard: What’s up?

Male Lifeguard: I think that fat kid in the t-shirt is sticking his dick in one of the jets again. You wanna get that?

Female Lifeguard: Yeah.