Last week I was fortunate enough to be invited to a very exclusive press conference held by Dr. Pepper (other notable attendees included Mr. PiBB, Dr. X, and James Lipton), in which they unveiled to us a secret they’ve been guarding for years: the 23 mystery flavors used in Dr. Pepper. We were trusted with this information that day, and I have decided to betray their trust today for your education. So without further ado, the 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper:
1. Cherry
2. Artificial cherry
3. Vanilla
4. Cola
5. Granny Smith apple
6. Grandpa Smith apple
7. Grandpa Smith’s Adam’s apple
8. Rhinoceros meat
9. Rhinoceros horn
10. Rhinoceros urine
11. Rhinoceros urine after an unnecessary dialysis session
12. Jesus tears
13. Chocolate
14. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
15. Rain water
16. Rainn Wilson
17. AstroGlide
18. Smuckers
19. Mercury
20. Venus
21. Legos
22. Firewater
23. A joke that should’ve ended 12 flavors ago
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