FunBox Comedy

Did You Know? Mother's Day

- Did you know that Mother’s day is just like Father’s day, but for chicks?

- Did you know that your mother actually didn’t like that pencil holder you gave her? She’s never used it.

- Did you know that the best Mother’s Day gift is one that comes from the heart… or from Nordstroms?

- Did you know that you’re probably just going to get her flowers you lazy bastard?

- Did you know it’s not normal to confuse Mother’s Day with Valentine’s Day? Seriously dude, it’s your mom.

- Did you know that Mother’s Day is the second saddest day of the year for orphans? The first saddest day is the day their parents abandoned them.

- Did you know that a greeting card hardly makes up for ignoring your mother all year Kevin?

- Did you know Mother’s Day was originally a pagan holiday celebrating brunch?

- Did you know that the only thing greater than your mother’s love for you is her disappointment?

- Did you know in Australia they celebrate Mother’s Day counterclockwise?

- Did you know there’s no such thing as Almost Mother’s Day? Choose Life!


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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.