- Did you know that Mother's day is just like Father's day, but for chicks?

- Did you know that your mother actually didn't like that pencil holder you gave her? She's never used it.

- Did you know that the best Mother's Day gift is one that comes from the heart… or from Nordstroms?

- Did you know that you're probably just going to get her flowers you lazy bastard?

- Did you know it's not normal to confuse Mother's Day with Valentine's Day? Seriously dude, it's your mom.

- Did you know that Mother's Day is the second saddest day of the year for orphans? The first saddest day is the day their parents abandoned them.

- Did you know that a greeting card hardly makes up for ignoring your mother all year Kevin?

- Did you know Mother's Day was originally a pagan holiday celebrating brunch?

- Did you know that the only thing greater than your mother's love for you is her disappointment?

- Did you know in Australia they celebrate Mother's Day counterclockwise?

- Did you know there's no such thing as Almost Mother's Day? Choose Life!