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How It Happened: Judd Apatow movies

by Jake Klocksien on

[JUDD APATOW AWAKES IN BED, TREMBLING. HE ROLLS OVER TO TAKE COMFORT IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS PARTNER.]

Judd Apatow: I had that dream again…

Adam McKay: The one where you’re reliving Todd Philips’ career, post-Old Schooldiv>
Apatow: Yeah.

McKay: It’s okay, sweetums.

[THEY BEGIN TO SPOON.]

Apatow: Adam…. what if one day I make a Starsky & Hutch

McKay: Jesus, Judd. You’ve made movies like Anchorman, Knocked Up, Superbad, and Talladega Nights. You are literally balls deep in street cred.

Apatow: But what about Drillbit Taylor?!? I need to make another classic now! Right now! Where’s Rogen?!?

Seth Rogen: Right here, chief.

Apatow: Seth, why are you sleeping on my floor??

Rogen: I was out buying some new retro, classic rock t-shirts and got tired. Since I still had your spare key, I figured the Judd Apatow wouldn’t mind if his leading man crashed at his pad.

Apatow: Whatever, let’s brainstorm. I was thinking something along the lines of a stoner comedy with a thinly veiled life lesson.

Rogen: How about like “get a stranger pregnant and then learn to like her because she’s hotter than you” or something??

Apatow: We did that one. You were there.

Rogen: Oh. Right. Well come on people, we need a plot here.

Apatow: Wait, a whatdiv>
Paul Rudd: A plot, my good sir, is a summary of…

McKay: Paul? Where the- ugh, nevermind.

Rogen: We need our movie to tell some sort of story throughout the film. It’s called a plot.

Apatow: Listen, I’ve been making movies for over 15 years and I’ve never heard of that word.

McKay: Maybe Will could help us out. I’ll send him our ideas so far.

Apatow: Okay, so what do you guys suggest for this “plot” idea?

[SUDDENLY, THE WALLS START TO TREMBLE AND DISHES FALL FROM SHELVES. THE DOORBELL RINGS. THE GROUP ANSWERS THE DOOR TO FIND ANOTHER CAST MEMBER.]

Jonah Hill: I’ll do a cameo, man!

Apatow: Good God, Jonah. Have you just been continuously eating since we wrapped Superbad?

Hill: Yeah, man.

[MINUTES AFTER ASKING WILL FERRELL FOR A GENEROUSLY PAID CAMEO APPEARANCE, ADAM MCKAY RECEIVES A TEXT MESSAGE THAT SIMPLY READS, “LOL NO.”]

McKay: Will says he’ll think about it.
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Jake Klocksien

Jake Klocksien

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Skinny biking

After a night (more like during) of heavy drinking, my friend and I were riding bikes around our little island town in the Florida Keys. We rode past a balcony of girls who began hollering and whistling for us. we stopped around the corner, which was the last sober or sound decision we made that night. We decided it would be in our best interest as well for the sake of... Read More » humor, to do one more lap around that particular block, only without any clothes on. My friend went first, shooting around the block and disappearing behind the corner. I followed behind only to realize as I was turning the corner that I was riding directly in front of the headlights of a god damned cop car. I began hauling ass (still naked) through this residential neighborhood eventually ditching into someone's front yard. The cops spotted my bike and flashed the spot light on my very white ass. I came out with my hands up. After an hour of sitting on the curb sans clothes, while more and more cops showed up ( several of which I went to High School with) They only charged me with going down a one way and running a stop sign. My friend made it one more block further than me and made it home free.