Reasons I Was Fired As A College Tour Guide

-I walked forward and made the rest of the tour group walk backwards.

-I ended too many of my sentences with “if you like diarrhea!”

Examples:

The food is ok…

The showers in the dorms are pretty nice…

-I highlighted the fact that black people have only been allowed to enroll here for 20% of the schools existence.

-“Our school has relatively low instances of date rape!”

-“The dorms are 100% dry, unless you have a backpack.”

-I explained that Greek Life used to be good here, but like real Greece, it became over run with pushy Italians.