Things I Learned My First Day Working at a Biochemical Company

¢ People from Louisiana are next to impossible to understand on the phone.

¢ Never contact a company in French Canada.

¢ Spilling chemicals on yourself does not give you superpowers.

¢ The boss’s secretary is off-limits.

¢ The boss’s personal assistant is off-limits.

¢ The boss’s daughter is off-limits.

¢ Drinking chemicals does not give you superpowers.

¢ When a boss tells you to do something, do not push it onto those who work beneath you.

¢ The people who work in production do not actually work beneath you.

¢ You cannot hire homeless people to work beneath you.

¢ Bathing in a vat of brightly colored chemicals does not give you superpowers.

¢ The alcohol produced at a biochemical company is not the same kind you drink, but it still gets you fucked up.

¢ Forklifts can drive through some walls.

¢ Forklifts cannot drive through every wall.

¢ Being electrocuted while touching chemicals may actually give you superpowers.

¢ Setting fires with your mind is frowned upon.