10 Ways to Apologize For What You Did While Drunk

It’s not my fault you paint cop cars the same color as urinals.

Oh…that explains why the super glue didn’t work.  My bad.

Why does everyone always say that?  Alex, you drink too much. Alex, you can’t keep coming home with yield signs.  Alex, my fish don’t like vodka.  Chill people, chill.

There’s no way I could have had sex with your hot tub jet; I had whiskey dick.

Well, that’s what health insurance is for.  And plastic surgeons.

I think now is a good time to practice your compassion skills.

Fine, look, we’ll go to the vet and see if they can remove the fish hook from Brownie’s nose; I’ll even pay for gas.

Those molars had to come out eventually anyway.

Exactly, and now that you can’t eat anything but ice chips for two weeks, you’ll lose tons of weight!

Who cares; I mean, you’re right handed, right?