Article

Was Your Roommate Trying To Kill You?

by Kevin Corrigan on

Another school year has come to an end. You made it. After all the long hours of studying, the new friends and new memories, one question still remains. Was your roommate secretly trying to kill you? Answer these six simple questions and find out!

Did you ever do anything that might give your roommate a reason to kill you?
No. We were best buds. We even shared underwear (0 points)
I left a lot of hair in the drain and was kind of a slob (1 point)
I was generally pretty loud at night when he was trying to sleep or study (2 points)
I may have hooked up with his girlfriend once or a lot (3 points)

How bad did he want a single room?
He'd never live alone, he liked attention too much (0 points)
We got along great but I'm sure he would've appreciated the extra space and privacy (1 point)
As much as any normal college student (2 points)
He always said I was holding him back, and started most sentences with "If I lived in a single…" (3 points)

Did he keep anything in the room that resembled a weapon?
Only if he was really, really creative about it. A pillow could be a weapon if need be (0 points)
Just a pocket knife (1 point)
Only fun stuff like baseball bats and air guns (2 points)
He was always bringing home weird chemicals from the science building (3 points)

At any point did you come down with any unexplained illnesses?
I was healthy as hell this year (0 points)
Nothing that can't be explained by drunk nights and loose women (1 point)
I came down with something that sounded really exotic once (2 points)
I spent the year in and out of the health center (3 points)

How well did your he know your schedule?
Not at all (0 points)
He was familiar with it (1 point)
He asked me to post a copy of it on the wall. You know, for batin' purposes (2 points)
Meticulously. He would tell me when I was running late for class, but for some reason he always acted surprised when I came home (3 points)

When you woke up in the morning your roommate was usually:
At class (0 points)
Pretending to be asleep (1 point)
Going through your stuff (2 points)
Standing over your bed, staring at you and licking a bowie knife (3 points)

Submit an Article
Popular Articles
The 5 People You Meet In College (if they were comedians) The 5 People You Meet In College (if they were comedians)
The Loser's Guide to Looking Like You're Having Fun at Concerts The Loser's Guide to Looking Like You're Having Fun at Concerts
If Your Childhood Board Games Were German If Your Childhood Board Games Were German
The Nine Possible Reactions to the New Arrested Development The Nine Possible Reactions to the New Arrested Development
More Articles
Columns
Almost Reading Almost Reading
The Troll The Troll
Humor Us Humor Us
TLDNR TLDNR
Regret Everything Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots Twidiots