The Kids From 'Jurassic Park' Aren't Doing So Well In Their College Paleontology Class

Professor: K guys, can anyone in here tell me how Tyrannosaurus Rex found its food?

Student: Most of today’s scientists agree that T-Rex was a scavenger. Kind of like a prehistoric vulture or someth—

Tim Murphy: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Professor: Sigh Something to say, Tim?

Tim: Just that I beg to f**king differ, is all.

Professor: Of course you do. What is it this time?

Tim: You couldn’t BE more wrong. Those things are vicious, man. They’ll stop at nothing to get to their prey, even if they have to, like, tear apart an entire SUV and toss it into a ravine and make me throw up all over myself.

Professor: ?

Tim: …hypothetically.

Lex Murphy: Not only did T-Rex hunt, it actually preferred the taste of human flesh – even to that of, say, an immobile Triceratops lying helpless in an open meadow.

Professor: Wow, OK, no one listen to these two.

Lex: Oh and they loved lawyers.

Tim: Lex… confidentiality agreement…

Lex: He left us! HE LEFT US!!

Professor: Look, I have no idea what you two are talking about right now, but since you’re the worst students in this class, maybe you should try paying attention.

Tim: Hah! Like you’re so smart. This whole semester you’ve been filling these students’ heads with misinformation. Next you’ll be trying to tell them that Dilophosaurus DIDN’T have a big colorful flap of skin around its neck.

Professor: It didn’t…

Lex: OR that it couldn’t shoot poisonous black goop out of its mouth!

Professor: OK that’s just preposterous.

Tim: O rly? Ask that fat guy from “Seinfeld.” You CAN’T! Know why? ‘Cause a Dilophosaurus ate the f**k out of him.

Professor: God, this conversation is even more ridiculous than your last attempt at a group project.

Tim: “Dinos and Door Handles: A Survival Guide”!? That’s important stuff to know! Geez, how did you even become a paleontologist!?

Lex: He’s no Alan Grant, that’s for sure…

Professor: That’s it. You’re both out of here. Lex, what are you doing in this class anyway? You’re like 30.

Lex: Tim and I haven’t left each other’s side since 1993.

Professor: Why?

Tim: …the raptors’ll get us.