FunBox Comedy

Man Gives Winning NBA Draft Lottery Ticket to Waitress

Talk about generous tippers! When Steve Schanwald, the Chicago Bulls’ executive vice president of business operations who represented the team at the 2008 NBA DraftLottery, scored the first overall pick to this year’s entry draft, so did Debra Rabbing a Secaucus, New Jersey waitress who sold him eggs that morning.

“When he came in for breakfast, he was pretty down,” said Rabbing. “I told him his Bulls still had a 1.7% chance at winning and maybe he should just be more hopeful. Then he rolled his eyes, and mumbled something about giving me the pick if he won because he didn’t have cash for a tip. When I found out I won I was so excited I called him immediately!”

Schanwald seemed less enthusiastic. “I made a joke. What the fuck? What the fuck is she going to do with a basketball draft pick?”

Rabbing says she’s carefully considering her selection and has narrowed the field to either Kansas State Forward Michael Beasley, or Derrick Rose, a point guard from Memphis. “As a single mother, I think either one of them would be very helpful with my kids and around the house. They’re both fine young men.”

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.