"Coolest Kids in the Room" by Pete Welch

Recently, I obtained a transcript from a meeting of some of the Fortune 500. ˆere it is, unedited:

Nike: Thank you all for coming here today. ‰ see MOST of you are still sporting the Livestrong bracelet. "his is not a phase, people, it's brings awareness to a disease. "hanks to those who took the wristband seriously, and committed. ‰'m looking at you, Fitch.

A&F: 'Tis Chill. (Displays bracelet)

Nike: (Pause) Yeah. "o, first line of business: We need to…Dammit, Mac, take off your headphones!

Apple: Whatever, I'm not a conformist. ‰ was just listening to some £runchy iTunes Essentials. "hink different, y'know.

Nike: Whatever, take urn off your shit, just do it!

Nintendo: C'mon guys Wii need to get along. "mash Bros. Tourney?

A&F: Chill, I'm down. Œemme just finish this txt on my enV. ŒOLz.

Banana Republic (BR): Ur so gay. (Listening to Bluetooth headset) Shit. †orever 21 is pregnant again. nother one's¡bout to slide down the baby gap. nd BTW, forever 21 refers to her dress size, not her age!

A&F: Not chill.

BR: And if anyone's down to bowl. e, IKEA and Target are gonna get together for a few brewskies on Friday. "hat is, if they ever get done installing that janky-ass furniture with pot-metal hex-wrench. ‰'m practically bi-curious and that shit's too gay for me.

A&F: 'Gnar.

Nike: Ok, well, in summary: we accomplished nothing.

Article