Old man, 89, claims clouds are stalking him
Local old man, Harold Baker, 89, claims that a gang of clouds is stalking him. When asked to explain his encounters with angry clouds, Mr. Baker ranted about how no one loves him anymore before talking about his experience.
Baker says he first saw the clouds when he attended a Yankees game. Baker thought nothing of them during the game but when he left, he saw them slowly creep toward him.
"They were trying to violate me."
Baker tried to outrun the clouds home but they kept on his heels, it didn't help that Baker injured his left leg years before, due to a horrible marshmallow accident that left him with a horrible gait.
"Don't be fooled by their fluffiness."
Baker says he has no clue why they might be stalking him but he did recall something.
"I cursed at some clouds once because they were so lazy, just floatin up there. 'Do something with your life' I says, 'sitting up there just gettin a tan, go read a book fool' "
Baker says that the clouds rarely leave him alone and are everywhere he looks.
"When I wake up in the morning they're there, they watch me do everything, they even watch me go doo-doo."
There seems to be only one group in particular that bothers Baker.
"It's those cirrus clouds," Baker said, "You don't want to be caught in a dark alley with one of them bullies, they'll shank you if you're not careful."
Because of his unfortunate experiences with clouds, Baker says he will soon move to try and distance himself from his stalkers.
"I hope they don't know that I'm moving to Pennsylvania, aw dammit, now they heard me."
When told that clouds are inanimate parts of nature and can't follow or harm people, Baker said this: "Oh really, then how do you explain this?"He then proceeded to pull down his pants and reveal a baseball-sized scar on his right buttcheek in the shape of a group of clouds with the words 'Don't F@*% with the Cirruses, brrraaatt, brrraaatttt!'