Roommate Confessions: Issue 27

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been alot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out thetop 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

Remember when you asked if I had told anybody that you were sleeping with a married black man who happened to work for your dad? I lied. The entire AGR house knows, along with several dozen others. Next time instead of kicking me out of the dorm, you should consider getting a hotel room where affairs usually take place. Let’s hope daddy doesn’t check the mail.
Kat, University of Arkansas

When you were moving out, I was mopping the disgusting floors because you never cleaned. When I emptied the water out of the sink, I used your silverware that you had left out in an open box to dig the clumps of cat hair and dirt and nastiness from the drain catch so I wouldn’t have to touch it, then I put them back. Then I saw you eating pasta with them later that night.
Danielle, University of Arizona

I told everyone else that even knew of your existence about how much of a racist, judgmental piece of trash you are. I recorded most of our conversations in order to prove this. It’s a wonder you struggled to make any friends, isn’t it?
Anonymous, University of North Texas

We had a kid in our hall who was a really big ass all year and loved to flaunt his cash. Anytime we went out the only kind of pick up line he could spit out was something about his BMW or his family’s beach house in the Keys. His birthday coincided with the end of the semester, and his parents put up the cash to rent out one of the bars for him for the entire night. We all got on the list to get in the bar, but we really didn’t want him around. When he was showering before he wanted to go out, we reversed the lock on the door so it could be locked from the outside and required a key to open from the inside. His roommate snagged his key and we waited for him to go back inside his room. As soon as he was in, we closed the door and took off for the bar. Someone apparently let him out, but he didn’t get there until half an hour before the place closed, and he didn’t say a word to any of us before he went home.
Josh D, School Not Given

Freshman year I lived with two buddies from back home and a random guy picked from housing in a quad. While the three of us who already knew each other got along well, the fourth guy turned out to be a raging alcoholic who often went on coke binges exacerbated by his ever-present roid rage. This guy was probably the biggest asshole I’ve ever encountered, yet he always thought he was the coolest guy at the party (with two popped collars of course). One day, he got coked up and drunk off his ass, but because it was usual for him, he could still function (walk/talk well enough), but he didn’t really know what was going on. We threw him in my SUV and drove him down to the Huntington train station. From there, we bought him a one-way ticket to Raleigh, NC, pointed him in the right direction and waved goodbye as he took the 400 mile journey. When he sobered up and realized he was in NC, he called us and we fed him some bullshit about how he told us he was going for a beer run and never came back. He still doesn’t really know how he ended up in Raleigh that night.
Derek, Marshall University