The UDI

This one goes way back to freshman year at IUP circa 2000….

The UDI is the lovely little mishap we call the unidentified drinking injury. I woke up with a hole under my bottom lip, my teeth went through my gums and out the other side. I still have a small scar there but cover it nicely with a beard. Now heres how it went down…. I think

A long time ago at a college far far away.. well ( 1.5 hours tops)

I remember some of this night well…. It was rush week and several hockey teammates were members of Phi Delts so I used to party with them a lot. My linemate was the president of this frat. Anywho, no lines and lots of fun ensued.

It was the first time I had ever played beer pong and lets just say I caught on well. I was like Robert Redford in The Natural but instead of the sport of baseball, it was booze and ping bong balls. Jarrett and I ran the table for 3.5 hours from 9 to 12:30…. now comes the hazy part.

I somehow lost my watch, held a randoms pet snake in front of the dorms, and then released it into the wild… against the owners will mind you.

So for all these years I thought I got jumped in front of the dorms and they stole my watch because I let a snake go. Or… Tim, my roommate posted this today…

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HA! I just read the comment I left before. That was exactly one year ago…weird.

You did piss on my computer…This is how it went—(8 years later and I still remember this shit…thats how you know it was for real.)

You = Hammered.

I hit you on the head late at night whilst I was trying to get into the dorm room afer taking a shower. You were so hammered you were laying on the floor whining, “Why…Tim…oh man…why?”

…I didn’t know, Bran, …I didn’t know. Then you said (with your racoon eyes) “WHERE IS MY WATCH!!!”


…I didn’t know that either, Bran, …I didn’t know that either.

Then you went to bed.

Later that night (or the next morning), you slide out of the top bunk and plopped down onto the floor. thud

That thud woke me up and I helped you up. I got back into bed, rolled over, and shut my eyes. I began to drift away to the sound of rainfall outside our window panes.


That wasn’t rain, Brandon, …it wasn’t rain.

I rolled over to see you standing up, looking down at the floor with your hands conspicuously positioned in the “I’m taking a piss now” position.

I noticed there was no rain on the window, only the sound of rain.

HOWEVER, that was no ordinary rain. And the corner that you chose to choose was that same corner that I chose for my computer location. THAT was the kind of rain that comes from a penis.

Onto my computer!

“Hey, Bran, whudder you doin?” I muttered
“SHUT UP!” you yelled hatefully.

Then you crawled up into the top bunk only to never remember that instance ever again…still to this day, you have no idea that you pee-peed on my technology.

It was a COMPAQ! Those things are not cheap!

I heart you. You know that.

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So I wonder… Where did it come from?

A. Tim hitting me in the head with the door because I passed out in front of it while he was brushing his teeth ?

B. The fall off the top bunk. :::Thud:::

C. I got attacked by randoms for letting a pet snake go ( A random dorm girl  told me I did it – she saw me when she was having a smoke – but didnt see me fight)

D. I was abducted by aliens.

E. Punched myself in the face for the shame of peeing in the room ( which I cant vouge for yes or no.. there was no evidence in the AM and the computer wasn’t broken!)

F. All of the above…

Thats the fun of the UDI… you didn’t feel it when it happened and you don’t know where or why it happened either.