How to get a Blumpkin (for dummies)

1. Go to a large house party with a few trustworthy guy friends. Make sure there are no girls you already know; you dont want to sabotage a chance at actually fucking around with one of them another night.

2. Find a decent looking girl, a 5 or 6. In reality, her looks dont really matter, because you’re going to shit in front of her, but your dick will be in her mouth, so you might as well get one that isnt completely hideous.

3. Initiate a conversation with said girl of somewhat questionable attractiveness level. Talk about something stupid, like Sex in the City. Girls love that shit.

4. Say that its crowded and you cant hear her excited response to your clever remark about Sex in the City. Inch closer to the bathroom.

5. Get this bitch drunk. Give her some shitty pink vodka mixed drink. Whatever.

6. Now the key point: Your legs hurt from running, (miles and miles, cause you’re hardcore like that) and you need to sit down. Move towards the bathroom.

7. Get in a stall; you’ll probably have to make out with her on the way there to trick her into the stall. Sit down and push her (probably gross looking) face on your dick.

8. Important: DO NOT FART BEFORE YOU SHIT! Go for the instant shit, you have to force it in this situation. You are the Robert Horry of shitting. Visualize and Attack.

9. Shit! Push that bitch off you, if she isnt already crawling away in disgust. Run into the party yelling that you got a blumpkin. Make sure your friends see the girl running away in disgust, this is your proof.

10. Tell everyone, make it a facebook status update, never talk to the blumpkin girl again, or ever go to that house again. If possible, do this in a city you dont live in. Run for Student Body President.

Good Luck, and Happy Shitting!