Staff Picks

Potential Plotlines For The Sex And The City Sequel

by Matt Sullivan on May 30, 2008

Carrie is blindsided when she goes on Oprah and gets lambasted for her memoir’s lies and exaggerations
Smith dumps Samantha for a younger woman- Dakota Fanning
Miranda divorces Steve and takes up with a butch lesbian schoolteacher
Charlotte adds to her brood by adopting neglected children from Ethiopia, Cambodia, Vietnam and Britney Spears
Mr. Big shockingly reveals that he is indeed the same Mr. Big who sang the 1992 soft rock hit “To Be With You”
Carrie trades in her Manolo Blahnik heels for more comfortable, breathy Crocs
The ladies’ charity steel cage match pillow fight with the girls from The Hills goes tragically awry when Samantha gouges out Audrina Patridge’s soulless eyes
Carrie gets photographed by Annie Leibovitz for the cover of Vogue, but is flogged by blogs when the artistic photos of her and Miley Cyrus in a tasteful threesome with LeBron James are taken out of context
Jennifer Hudson and Mario Cantone’s characters get into a heated argument about who is the sassier sidekick to Carrie -the magical mammy black assistant or the snarky but supportive gay best friend?- only to bond over their shared love of showtunes
A flash forward scene cuts to the girls 30 year later: Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte are now widowed, retired and living together in Florida under their new Witness Protection Program names: Dorothy, Blanche, Sophia and Rose