10 Most Uttered Phrases Upon Waking Up With a Hangover

10. Fuck…me.

9. Why can’t I move my arm?

8. Please be attractive, please be attractive…

7. I really hope that’s not my blood.

6. He posts the lecture notes online, right?

5. I was tired of having a job anyway.

4. Where the fuck am I?

3. I can always take a make-up quiz.

2. Please don’t tell (insert name) about this.

1. I am not going to drink until at least next week…minus six days.

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A Christmas Larceny

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the... Read More » credit card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.