I'm with asshole

My mom my bro and I went up to Iowa this weekend to see some family before my bro goes overseas. And my family is just hilarious especially my uncle Russ so here I’m going to attempt to retell one of his stories.

So my uncle lives in Thailand and after work he and his boss went to this bar to have a few beers. These two big Russian guys sit at the bar and the boss man says, “we vant vodka and meat,” and puts down a big wad of cash rubberband and all. The bartender tries to serve them shots but they get the whole bottle of grey goose. The bartender then comes out with a big tray of fruit. The Russians are just kinda looking at him and the bartender obviously does not understand what is going on. So this is where my uncle steps in because it may get ugly. Russ goes up and starts speaking to the bartender in Thai and telling him that they want meat. But the bar doesn’t have any meat. Russ tells him the you better find meat and you get it NOW. So the bartender and about five other guys are sent off to get all the meat in a 5 block radius. The bartender comes back with a big plate of meat on skewers and the Russians are happy. They see that Russ helped out in this and send him and his boss shots. So Russ’s boss sends them back a shot as is customary, but a shot of stoli. The Russians send the stoli back to them with another shot saying “oh, we don’t drink that [shit];you drink it.” At this point, Russ gave up and went home. Needless to say, his boss next morning was worse for wear.

Moral of the story:You better get Russian mobsters what they want and don’t give them fucking fruit if they ask for meat. And Russians drink vodka like water, you cannot and will not be able to keep up with them. Ever.