Bilge Pump

I was surfing the web the other day  when I saw the most extraordinary thing, an ad for a game website called “Puzzle Pirates.” Sounds pretty cool, right? Well among the sword fighting and swashbuckling one of the draws of the game was to participate in everyone’s favorite pastime:

BILGE PUMPING! Oh man, YES! FINALLY!!!

Finally there is an entire game devoted to the the awesome and incredibly fun activity of pumping out bilge water from a ship. For those not educated (plebeians), the Bilge is the lowest compartment on a ship and water that does not drain off the deck drains down into the bilge. That water must be pumped out or it could sink a ship. The bilge water, besides being an excellent personal lubricant, contains water, oil, urine, detergents, solvents, sweat, blood, chemicals, pitch, saliva, particles, and so forth to be drained. You hear that, kids? It’s like your very own virtual slip n’ slide. Let’s not forget it’s also incredibly noxious!

Now I don’t have to go into the filthy mess that is the cesspool of a boat anymore, I can do it from the safety of my living room. The fun never seems to end! Why are you still reading this article? Drop that controller for GTA4 and go pump that goddamn bilge.