Big Dog Still Exists?

My god. My fucking god. The other day I was blessed enough to be reminded of one of the trashiest, and most amazing fads of all time – Big Dog clothing. You remember this, don’t lie. Hell, maybe you even had one. I am talking about those god damn dirty shirts with the dog saying or doing something completely demeaning. I mean, we took this shit time and time again from this dog, and I am sick of it. Time to strike back. Needless to say, I am going to check out some of the cream of the crop Big Dog shirts because, yes, they do still exist…somewhere in the deepest layers of hell.

Really? That is so interesting, because I live on Incest Alley at the corner of Meth Street. This is such standard Big Dog. Why does this redneck canine have such a fucking attitude? Just because he wears shades, does that really make him tough? Actually, yes, yes it does. This fucking dog is wearing shades, I’m definitely going to stay clear…you probably should as well.

It isn’t Big Dog if there isn’t some kind of shitty sexual reference somewhere in their wardrobe. First of all, this is a fucking dissertation on a t-shirt. I have to stare at this fucker for 30 seconds before I can take the whole thing in, and at the end…I get this shitty punchline. Besides, sex and air are not in the least bit equatable. I usually tie a belt around my neck when I have sex..

I will not gamble with a dog that has that kind of ?tude. Nevermind the fact that this is actually a dog playing poker, but he comes to the table with that kind of shit? Unacceptable. This dog needs to chill out and realize that he is a DOG playing POKER, isn’t that enough for him, because if not, he should go back to licking my sphincter when I lather it up with peanut butter, because he sure is good at that.

Classy. You see what Big Dog did here? They took Girls Gone Wild and turned it into Grills Gone Wild. But seriously, I actually can’t hate on this shirt at all. I love meat, I really love titties, and if a dog were smart enough to cook for me I would never complain. So, good job Big Dog, good job.

Don’t be a hero Big Dog. This is just so stupid on so many levels. First of all, that is easily the mostµncomfortable¨ammock of all time, I mean, look at it. Secondly, at the bottom they make sure to let us know that ?This is a parody’. Jesus, thank god. I was so fucking confused at first. I totally thought Nike was promoting laziness and betraying their logo by letting Beethoven lounge out on it. I guess I’m not as smart as the general Big Dog audience though, but who the fuck is.

There isn’t even a dog on this shirt because even the Big Dog can come up with something better than this. If the Big Dog is too embarassed to put his face on his merchandise, you know that it is purely filth. But really, why would someone wear this shirt. How does one go about interpreting it? Is the wearer of the shirt attacking every single person who reads it? Why get this personal, you don’t even know me BRO. If you wear this shirt around, you truly hate not only everyone in the world, ever, but you also hate the shit outta yourself.

Well, that is all of the Big Dog I can handle for one day. Maybe someday, years upon years down the road, I will muster the courage to write about Big Dog again.