A Meeting at 5 Hour Energy Headquarters

Executive #1: Men, it seems we have a problem on our hands. This:

Holds up a bottle of “6 Hour Power” drink.

Executive #1: What do you think people are going to do when they see our product next to this at the cash register?

Executive #2: Ignore them both and buy whatever they were they were going to buy?

Executive #1: That was a rhetorical question, numbnuts…

Executive #2: Just sayin…

Executive #1: Shut up. How can we compete with this? Do you really think people are going to get five hours of energy when they can get six for the same price.

Executive #3: We could lower our prices…

Executive #1: That’s ridiculous, we’re $2 million in the red as it is.

Executive #4: Maybe if we change our name to “300 minute energy” that looks like a lot more time than 6 hours.

Executive #1: That’s pretty good, people hate doing math. Butwhat if they change their name to “360 Minute Power”? Then we’re backto where we started. Any other ideas?

Executive #3: We could come up with something even smaller than a shot of liquid, like a pill or something, that gives them energy for a long time.

Executive #4: Yeah, we could call it… “Speed”

Executive #1: That’s brilliant! I’ll get R&D on it right now.

Picks up the phone and dials a few numbers.

Executive #1: I need you guys to start working on some sort of pill that gives people energy… what? They already have that? (pause) What’s it called? (pause) Illegal, you say? Hmmm, well thanks anyway…

Hangs up phone

Executive #1: Ok, so I don’t think that’s going to work… any other bright ideas?

Executive #2: Why don’t we actually try to make a product that people will want to buy?

Executive #1: You know, I’m getting pretty sick of your constant negativity. Why don’t you make yourself useful and get me another energy drink… I didn’t think this meeting was going to last more than 5 hours…

Executive #2: Well maybe if you wouldn’t have wasted three hours talking about the “rich history” of this company, we would have this problem solved by now…

Executive #1: That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You can be as negative as you want, but I will not sit here and listen to you badmouth this company. My great grandfather invented One Hour Energ when he was just a teenager in the depression. And over the years my grandfather and father built this company into what it is today. Three Hour Energy received the award for best innovation in the energy drink industry in 1963, on the day I was born. My father missed my birth to accept his award. Now that is dedication. I will not have my family’s legacy go down in flames because of people like you…

Executive #3: Sir, sorry to interrupt, but I have an idea…

Executive #1: What is it?

Executive #3: How about 7 Hour Energy?

Executive #1: Genius.