Darth Vader tries to buy beer with his Anakin Skywalker ID

Darth Vader places two cases of beer on the counter

Cashier: Can I see your ID?

Vader: Really? I’m much older than 21… I don’t think anyone has even carded me before…do you really think I’m a minor?

Cashier: Sorry sir, it’s store policy.

Vader: Alright….

Vader takes out his Anakin Skywalker ID and hands it to the cashier. The cashier looks the ID over.

Cashier: You’re not serious are you?

Vader: What do you mean?

Cashier: This doesn’t look anything like you.

Vader: Well, I mean the picture is a little dated, but only because I recently got some surgical work done.

Cashier: Is that why you’re wearing a mask?

Vader: Of course it’s why I’m wearing a mask you insolent fool!

Cashier: What about the cape?

Vader: My cape is none of your business!

Cashier: Well can you take the mask off and show me your face?

Vader: I can’t do that! This mask is the only thing keeping me alive!!! Now give me the beer or you will face the true power of the Dark Side!

Cashier: I’m sorry man, but this could be anyone.

Vader: How dare you question Lord Vader!

Cashier: Lord Vader??? This ID says your name is Anakin Skywalker.

Vader: Oh… right. I changed my name.

Cashier: Why, did you like… convert to Islam or something?

Vader: No I didn’t convert to Islam…. it was changed when I was given my new purpose, to rid the galaxy of the Jedi!!

Cashier: You willingly changed it to Darth? What is that… like Scandinavian?

Vader: HOW DARE YOU MAKE A MOCKERY OF ME!!!!!!! THAT NAME WAS GIVEN TO ME BY THE EMPEROR!!!!!

Cashier: Alright man, calm down. Look, do you have another form of ID or anything?

Vader: ANOTHER FORM OF ID?! WHAT, LIKE I’M GONNA WALK AROUND WITH A FUCKING LIBRARY CARD?! I’M A SITH LORD!!!!

Cashier: Well Sith Lord or not, this guy just doesn’t seem like you. I mean, the guy in this picture is a scrawny white guy. You sound like an old, heavy set black man.

Vader: IT’S BECAUSE OF MY MASK!!! ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO DENY A SALE BECAUSE OF THE SOUND OF SOMEONE’S VOICE?! THAT’S INSANE!!!

Cashier: Alright then, how much do you weigh?

Vader: I don’t know… 250… 255ish?

Cashier: This ID says you weigh 190 pounds.

Vader: It was before my surgery!

Cashier: What did they do? Put fat on you?

Vader: My suit’s equipment is very heavy, OK And I strongly suggest you hold your tongue, or you will have to answer to the Emperor!

Cashier: Sorry, it just seems incredibly improbable that after one surgey you go from a 6 foot, 190 pound white man into a 6 foot 4, 250 pound African American Sith Lord.

Vader digs around in his pockets

Vader: Look, here’s my clearance pass for the Death Star. The date of birth and hometown match perfectly with the ID!

Hands the other ID to the cashier.

Cashier: Hmmm…. Alright. I guess I’ll let it go this time. Get a new ID though for the future.

Vader: Fine, fine, fine. Here’s your money.

Cashier: Sorry dude, we don’t accept Republic Credits out here.

Vader: MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!