Funny ex-text - Italian stallion my ass!

text messages exchanged between my buddy and his ex…. sorry were drunk 

James – Hey I have some things of urs u should probably have back i.e. pearl necklace and silver flower earrings, and some nice clothes. just making sure its ok to send to ur parents’ house. also would u mind sending back racky [my stuffed animal] to my condo i know it seems childish but a lot of memories go along with that little guy! thanks a bunch, hope ur enjoying the summer.

Susie – hi. u can send my jewelry no clothes i have enough. im not home 4 a couple weeks ill send him wen im home. no letters plz. hope ur summers good too.

James – Indeed my gf wouldn’t appreciate that. no letters to u as well

Susie – haha ok james thanks for sending stuff back glad u found a great girl!

James – yes shes italian very sexy ud wanna do her. but she found ur thongs in a box in my closet and wasnt too pleased! and women can be very distrusting lol.

Susie – ok im honestly happy for u but i dont care and dont wanna no these things haha but treat her well i love italians im engaged to one. have a good nite!

James – I bet he has greasy hair.

Susie – hahahahaha nah hes gorgeous and hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. but im happy for u u deserve a great girl.

James – lol sorry i’ll stop

James – Can you send some pictures for me to jerk off to

Susie – HAHAHAHA no bye

James – Just take a phone pic with his shirt off and send it to me

Susie – haha nah ima hope this is chris but have a sweet night n life i truly mean it james ur such a great guy so im happy u found a great beautiful girl

James – Yes im very glad too she’s not like a typical Italian. Most of them, especially the men, wear adidas track suits and gold chains with their chest hair hanging out. Plus their hair always looks wet like they’re sweaty from a tough poop (by the way, does your fiancé eat a lot of bertolli or does he prefer his mama’s pasta?). And if you scuff their little pumas they get all uppity like Joe Pesci in Casino. But at the end of the day I’m sure he’s still ur little Italian stallion ; p

Susie – wow that took a lot of time to write.  please stop talking to me ur not offending me i dont care and you sound like u got a great girl so itd be best to leave me alone

Susie – haha but i do think the thing about pooping was funny lol and hes not the typical italian as i am sure ur gf isnt so please dont say things about him

James – yea, just don’t insult me by telling me not to write u letters. All I want is my stuffed animal back, that’s it. I have nothing against spaghetti benders, I just want racky back.

Susie – aw ok ull get him back this summer don’t worry! I dunnoo what any of these mean comments mean but u sure know a lotta them lol and if saying them 4 no reason makes u feel better go ahead but don’t say them to me. U should be happy im happy just as I am happy for u that uve found a great girl.

James – I’m very happy for you

Susie – J Ull get ur stuff and I really don’t have bad feelings towards u ur just not a positive part of my life so I am not going to talk to u read ur messages or have any sort of communication with you from this point on ive asked u many times to leave me alone u have a girl now too so do it. Goodbye.