BJ History of the Freshman Virgin

(The Freshman Virgin is hooking up with a guy in her dorm room. He takes off his pants and pushes her head down.)

FV: Oh! Okay, so listen, I don’t know if I made myself clear at dinner and I’m sure you’re a super guy, but…“can’t put in the thing without that special ring.” Sorry.

GUY: Yeah, yeah, whatever, it’s cool. Blow me then.

FV: Oh! Um…okay.

GUY: Ow! What the f*ck?! Stop! Ow! F*ck, that hurts. What the f*ck is your problem.?!

FV: Nothing, God. Do you want a blowjob or not?

GUY: No, not from you, you freak! (He puts on his pants and hobbles out)


Four Years Prior

Two Hours Prior

(The Freshman Virgin is studying with a guy in his basement)

FV: Okay, so in the Krebs Cyle two carbons are-
(he leans in and starts kissing her, shoving his hands up her skirt )
Oh! Okay…ow, ow, oooo, ow, ow, ugh, yeah, ow, yeah, yeah.

Two Years Prior

(The Freshman Virgin is eating in her middle school cafeteria with her friend Beth)

BETH: Okay, so don’t freak out, but Brendan just gave me a blow job in the boys bathroom!

FV: Oh my God, did you use a condom?

BETH: No, do you think I should have?

FV: I don’t know. Probably.

BETH: Whatever.

FV: So, wait, Brendan gave you a blow job?!

BETH: Yeah it was fun, but it kinda hurt.

FV: It hurt, what do you mean it hurt?! What did he do exactly. Tell me everything.

BETH: Okay, well he stuck is whole hand down my jeans and into my underwear and then he, like, poked really hard at my vagina with his fingers for, like, a really long time.

FV: Oh my God, that’s disgusting!

BETH: Yeah.

FV: Wow, so that’s a blow job.

BETH: Yeah.