the male walk of shame

The male walk of shame is something very distinct and different from the female walk of shame. It does not involve any post-coital encounter, or morning after bike ride. It is a completely different monster, of equal shame, yet very different circumstances.

We’ve all been there.. it’s about 830 on a Wednesday, a pretty cute girl you’ve met somewhat recently but dont know bery well is texting you, and you’re texting her back because.. shit.  pussy. Eventually it comes to her telling you it’d be cool if you came to her place for a while, to chill, ya know?
Immediately you assume all signs say go, grab a condom, and head over to her dorm ready for some action. She meets you at the door. She might even give you a nice, suggestive hug, and you walk inside, hopeful and excited for the undoubted vag action to come.
You pass the female RA, a couple of her good friends who she says hi to while you stand back awkwardly waiting to proceed to her room, the undoubted refuge of poon tang..
But when you get there everything goes wrong. Her chubby roomate is there looking at facebook, there are textbooks everywhere, and random perfume containers and beauty products sprawled across the floor. She says something along the lines of “yeah, i’m just taking it easy tonight.. you can have some of my EL fudge cookies if you want.” …and you sit there, eating elmer fudge cookies looking at this hot girl wearing an unfairly revealing pajama type outfit taking notes on some text book that you couldnt give a fuck about. And here you sit.. waiting… for nothing. The situation is immediately clear. There is no pussy at the end of this tunnel.. Sure you will do your best to throw out random comments and stories you hope are funny in attempt to lighten the mood to a more sex-oriented ambience, but the story about the vending machine that ran out of pretzels that one time you were really high and totally craving pretzels just isnt doing it, so you sit there… At around 12:30, or whenever the boredom and inability to immediately have sex takes over, you say your reluctant goodbye, and begin the male walk of shame… past her friends, still for some unexplained reason out in the hallway, past the female RA, past all the girls in the hall who all know and understand that a guy walking home at 1230 is a guy that came trying to get himself laid and was completely unsuccesful.. and oh how those slightly humorous condescending stares burn.
And thus you have the male walk of shame. Equally humiliating, and with similar drops in self esteem. I wish the best of luck to you gentlemen, and may your walk of shames be few and far between.