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Issue #65

by 105%-O-Matic on

So good it’s not even funny.

I ran into a friend yesterday and he asked me to help him move, but I didn’t feel like it so I said I had other plans. I just hope for his sake someone said yes and he isn’t still in the middle of road, sitting in his wheelchair.
-Conor McKeon
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One. The regular way.
-Streeter Seidell
The worst part about being home for the summer is that my parents constantly harass me about using drugs, even though I already explained that I can’t get them any until my friend comes back from vacation.
-Conor McKeon
My impression of a GPS system on a NASCAR dashboard.
GO LEFT.
GO LEFT.
GO LEFT.
GO LEFT.
-M. Sabin
Boyfriend and Girlfriend Discuss “Sex and the City”
Boyfriend: Why are you and your friends so obsessed with “Sex and the City?”
Girlfriend: Because the characters are just like us!
Boyfriend: Like the fact that only one of you is kind of attractive?
-Tanner Boyd
Increasingly Inappropriate Things For A Grown Man To Obsess Over
-Musicals
-High School Musical
-High school musicals
-High schools
-Patrick Cassels
The Schoolyard Philosopher
“Can God make a rock so big that even He can’t cover it with Paper?”
-Chase Mitchell
Since “The Rock” Is Going By “Dwayne Johnson” Now…
-“You Dwayne Johnson my world!” -Michael Jackson
-“We will, we will Dwayne Johnson you!” -Queen
-“Welcome to the Dwayne Johnson!” -Sean Connery
-Andrew B.
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Poor cat.

While out of town my room got painted pink with butterflies. Touche. In retaliation, the next time my roommate left town I took the trim off of his bedroom door and drywalled over the opening. Taped, mudded, and painted as though the door never existed. Oh, and before I did this I wrote a script that emitted random 'meows' from his computer and hid his cat in my room... Read More » when he got home. The best part was when he tried to bust through the drywall by slamming into it. Did I forget to mention that I had reinforced the doorway with a giant "X" made of 2x4? My bad...

John LastName |

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