So, you've decided that you want to take that step from avid reader to commenter. I know you're eager to share your hilarious observations with the rest of the world but hold on there, slick, there's much to learn. Youjust can't create an account and start posting! No! You must first adapt a persona. There is no originality in commenting; what ever you thought hasn't been done or said, it has
twice. Here's a look at the most common types of people you must become to fit in and the pros and cons that come along with them.
1. Angry Guy - Angry Guy hates everybody and everything. A.G.'s hobbies include writing hate mail, insulting every person possible and kicking puppies in the face. Why is he angry? Nobody knows. All we know is that when this person is around be prepared to hear fallacies about your family members and your "whore of a girlfriend" (who he just banged on your bed in front of your deceased grandmother, supposedly).
Pro: You'll get laughs because most people are assholes just like you.
Con: You might mess with the wrong person and find your car stolen and dog kidnapped.
2. The Pokemon - "Me, me, me!" All you hear from Pokemon is his damn name. Whatever you did last night, he did last week but the chick was hotter and he drank 12 more shots than you. Pokemon will also answer to names like Douche or Jerkface but he takes them as compliments since he just convinced Webster himself to change their meanings to awesome and sweet.
Pro: You'll develop a sense of grandeur as you start to believe your own lies.
Con: You'll realize that you developed a FALSE sense of grandeur.
3. That Girl (type A) Listen up, ladies, this one's for you. As a type A That Girl, you'll become the center of attention and the desire of all men. T.G.T.A is funny, nice, intelligent but, above all, hot. In fact, hot might be the only reason, but your personality will also let you be accepted by other T.G.T.A.s. So you're good.
Pro: You'll be loved by all.
Con: After 18,173 messages and comments from people wanting to "see your boobs" you'll go insane.
4. That Girl (type B) Also known as the classic "Attention Whore". T.G.T.B. knows that she's hot but suffers from a lack of personality and has self esteem issues. To feel better about herself or himself (in some occasions yea that hot girl CAN be a dude) T.G.T.B. will post boob shots and write provocative comments.
Pro: You'll make more "friends" than enemies.
Con: Crying yourself to sleep will not stop.
5. Me So Horny Being this guy takes a lot of chutzpah.Why? Because you'll be amongst the most hated people on CH. M.S.H. trolls the Pictures section waiting for the opportunity to post porn links and to creep on girls and sometimes guys. His forward and pathetic personality thrusts him into the role of weirdo/sociopath. M.S.H. will constantly complain abou this sex life or lack thereof. Weigh your options before even attempting to take on this role. You have been warned.
6. The Character Commenter This may be the hardest of all categories of commenter. It will take dedication as you embark on your journey to become whoever or whatever you want to be. From Mickey Mouse to chair you choose who you want to emulate. (Please don't pick "chair"as chairs don't speak too often.) Staying in character becomes more difficult as time passes and many chose to give up and tarnish their character'sreputation. This here is true dedication.
Pro: Your references from the show or movie your character was in will bring joy and laughter to many.
Con: You might learn that people just like your character and not you as a person. Tough break, kid.
7. Trigger Finger Commenting as Trigger Finger is much like a game of Word Association; whatever comes to mind, you type. Playing this role will cause most conversations to go off on a tangent. Banana BOOM instantly you write "Penis" just because they are similar in shape. See how it works? You'll serve no real purpose amongst the commenting community but things just wouldn't be the same with out you.
Pro: Your random and thoughtless comments may cause some discussions which are pivotal in e-socialization.
Con: Most of your comments will be ignored or followed by the appropriate "WTF".
8. The Sidekick- Batman has Robin, Cheech has Chong, Mermaid Man has Barnacle Boy. You shall be "The Bitch" and you'll be content with that. Your comments will include phrases like, "Yes,Boss" and "You're always right". You lack depth andthe ability to think freely, so you just find someone you like and latch on like a lamprey on a trout. You aren't even on the bottom of the totem pole; you're the rotting wood that's buried in the ground. You have my deepest sympathy for choosing this path.
Pro: You'll make one friend.
Con: He's not really your friend. He just uses you cuz you're a little bitch.
There you have it, people. Only a few special people can break the mold and be different but for the majority of you, well, you'll just have to deal with it. Choose wisely, my friends. Choose wisely.