Jeff Goldblum: Well sir, I believe if we fly into the mothership, and upload a virus, we can effectively disable their shield for a matter of minutes and stage a massive, coordinated att-
Drunk Pilot Dude (Randy Quaid): Look, the ship is opening up to fire! I’m gonna fly my plane right into it and jam its firing mechanism like a kidney stone stuck in a dude’s urethra! Despite my rampant alcoholism and lack of care for my children, I am entirely trustworthy for this mission!
Jeff Goldblum: That’s preposterous, there’s no way that this advanced alien race could possibly overlook such an obvious technological error, we mu-
Drunk dude: Time’s up! Let’s do this! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaandyyyy Quaaaaaaiiiiiiddd (flies plane into alien pee-hole, ship explodes.)
Will Smith: Welcome to Earth, bitch!
Roll Credits
Christmas Gift Org Charts, Through Life
Amazing Dad Magic
10 Ways to Make the Internet Better
Dating Dos and Don'ts
Job Interview Dos and Don'ts
8 Things the Internet Ruined
Yoga pants so tight, they've become a part of her.
Wow, I guess having 5 blades does make a difference.
"Things Stoners Haven't Turned into Bongs" -- The Shortest Book in the World
Journalists finally revealing some hard-to-face truths
Kate Upton blocks shot of a beautiful sunset
Roommate Contract: (1) I will make your life a living hell.
Ways to meet women if you're tired of being normal.
Fixed it!
The kind of sports you can expect to see on ESPN17
Oh good, my package came. I've got a big night ahead of me.
