"Noob": First words.
"IDK": Teacher asks you a question.
"Ding": Going through puberty.

"I digg it": Flicking through your favourite TV shows.
"FIRST": At the start of a final exam.
"FTW": Losing virginity.

"LOL": You pass your classes.
"DoT": Start smoking.
"XP": After graduating.

"OMG": Favourite team wins a sporting event.
"GRATZ": Wedding day.
"GTG": Waking up and getting coffee, or leaving work.
"WTF?": Pregnancy/Having children.

"STFU": Children asking when they're going to arrive at the destination.
"WTG": Son's baseball game.
"BAF": Daughter brings home boyfriend.
"IAMF": Wife tells you you're not listening enough.

"Alt": Mid-life crisis.
"Lag": Start using cane.
"PWN": Deathbed in hospital.
"AFK": Tombstone.